F

 I am not getting the support I need, 

I am not putting myself first, 

I feel that I am lacking and falling behing my responsabilities, 

I feel like I cannot should not be dependant 

But, Again, I really need some support, 

I'm trying my best to not have a meltdown or worse

I don't want to be here or anywhere

 I feel bad

Really bad

I am very sleepy, 

I want to cry for everything,

You cannot tell me anything literally because I'd want to start crying,

I'm disguising myself very well, I can "mask" and make myself behave and seem like is all okay,

I am beyond overstimulated, overwhelmed, in need of more sleep, 

I am uncapable of sharing really how I am feeling, even when I desperately need to share and to be taken into consideration, not even given the chance is like I am physically unable to explain myself, 

I really, just want to cry, 

I am exceding on exigency on myself, 

I really need a long break, I really need no one talking to me and asking shit from me, 

I am very tired, I don't even wanna try and explain myself, 

I want to hide under a rock and not come out, 

I kinda want to dissapear, 

Be left alone and in peace, no one asking me shit no one needind shit from me no one asking oblivious questions that I don't want to answer or take caro of anything 

Please stop

I am not here

I don't want to be here or anywhere, 

Please stop

Edit: Is worse with the feeling that is not like I'm going trough something significant but I'm just so exhausted I can barely function and do the things I'm expected to...Even with "no aparent reason" if that makes sense, It feels worse not having a solid reason of why. Probs Is just a lot of stuff together...

A "career" change

 I now understand why I hold so often to see what some old friends as I like to call them are up to, 

Like Danna, that is now famous and a influencer youtuber with all her opinions on movies, 

Or Anabella, singing her best on underground like events her punk goth music,

And many others,

They surely followed the path of making a living of their art and creations, 

As I wish I had, 

I am very certain that I need to make a change in my life if I ever want to feel satisfied with myself , to really try go down that path and look into laboral "happines", as, I do not dream or crave labor, but in this trying times is something completely unavoidable, 

As is my right now that many women forged this path for me to be able to even chose what job or work to make or do, 

I think that is 

I don't even know what I want to do or how would I make a profit of any, as

I don't really have a story to share (I can talk about many but get to reality none!)

Or make something exceptional, 

There are surely things that makes me happy, and I fantasize to make of my own, but that does not mean that I will enjoy it or if I'll be good at it, 

But whatever I decide, 

I'll try my best and 

I surely need to get out of this receptionist "carreer" I've taken onto my life

Has been almost 5 years with this various jobs with the same title and I hate it 

I want something ideally remote, I'd love to make a living around art, 

I don't know what to do or where to start.

I'd like some help but idk where to search...

 Now I am a bit of a problem for myself 

I feel bad today 

very bad today 

I am, very sleepy, I just want to cry and sleep the rest of the day 

 
I am having a very good attitude towards that one haha :) 

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:) 

I am still, not the problem, I think

 I am tired so very tired 

I am a bit paranoid, 

I am a bit deflated 

I am I am I am 

I don't wanna be 

 Creo que ya se que quiero comprarles a mis amigos de navidads, 

 David algo de star wars of course, I'm not sure what tho, 

I'll buy some clothing for Faby

Some shirt and march for Sebas

Something very goth for Sthef 

Something for Randy and Gabo maybe? 

Something 4 my mom dad and Adri, 

Something for Tsuri Arqui Yaso Ryuchi and Abra

I've a list of merch I'd like to buy David as well

Me he ecnotnrado recientemente con la insatisfacción conmigo misma, 

Debo trabajar y tratar de no maltratar a las personas que quiero y amo a mi alrededor por causas que son sólo mías, 

No puedo negar que me sienta un poco, no sola, pero me cuesta entender, procesar y llegar a la profundidad de las emociones de los lazos que trato de nutrir y no lo siento.

Idk if the thing is that I wanna be alone or that I'd just go on the pot of depression if so.

There's nothing wrong with you

I'm not feeling very well,

I'm not feeling social, nor affectionate, 

I've been feeling like I get mad or cry at least once a day for reasons that are completely avoidable, 

not feeling sexual, not desire, not even self 

not feeling like doing anything when I get home, 

nor when I am home.

I'm sick and tired of being ask everyday what are we gonna eat, 

I kinda wanna live in a rural area ? 

Maybe something outside a City to try it out...

Want a remotejob then 

Cuatro años pasan

Como si fuera poco

Todos los trajines y trabajos

Todo el sufrimiento y los cambios

Cuatro años pasan

Como si fuera poco 

Y veo en lo hipotético

Otro cauces de futuros imposibles

Y veo nunca en lo tangible

El haber sido lograr un sueño

A costa de otro

Cuatro años pasan

Como si fuera poco

Y los mios envejecen

Y el miedo eferbece 

De no poderlos volver a tocar

Apretujar y desbordar

Un amor

 i am tired of others 

I AM TIRED OF MYSELF

It does not matter how much I rest, 

Often it feels like I am always feeling bad, 

I am always feeling anxious somehow,

I am always in need to lay down,

Like I am not having enough sleep, 

I don't have much energy in general,

I get tired easily,

I feel guilty when I depend too much on others, 

I feel like a weight,

I don't like how I think,

I don't like how I look, eventho I look good even gorgeous, 

But I how I feel does not correlate with that reality, 

I am tired

of myself

overall

I feel like shit today

I am more of a shot than a person

I'm beyond uncomfortable

I don't like how I feel, I don't like how I look, 

I am late to work and still at the bus

I am anxious, I've my period and is uncomfortable

I wanna puke I wanna cry 

I might be a bit disregulated 

I FUcked up

 I really need to be honest with myself 

and other around me 

I fuecked up and this does not have just a solution but rather work if I want to make it right

Ijustkindawannadieforawhilenowbutthathasnothingtodowiththisfuckedupthingidid

I am sorry, please hate me 

 We should not skip the aftercare 

About happines

I've been living with my boyfriend for a couple of months now, 
He is David and he's very sweet, very motivated and all handome and soft

I've had various doubts on my side as if I were ready to be in another relationship or if I was even emotionally avaible, or if that was a good idea to live with him and so on, but all has been turning out great tbh, we all have our issues and I need to work on my managing of anger and frustration, but overall I feel happy and in peace with him.

Altho I think love is something you construct, like, it does not come from nowhere, and might be a bit of a different view of David who was eager to say I love you since very early in our relationship, I do say it and I do mean it but not yet just in the way I believe is my level of loving, altho we're getting there, idk if that makes sense but, yes.

I want to help him feel as in peace and happy as I am with him.

today :)

Today I woke up feeling grateful in life

I woke up with some purpose

I woke up with someone I love and loves me by my side

I got to have some peace before leaving to a new job ( is my 2nd day omg)

I woke up in peace today

And I'm grateful for that

Which bla bla bla

No creo que ni una hamaca would take away the... Sorrow

Well

As I was saying...