sábado, 2 de marzo de 2024

Quiza necesito salir mas e interactuar con otra gente?

 La elocuencia no llega al momento preciso, ni la sensatez con rapidez,


Me he estado sintiendo fatal, 

Siento fuertemente que las relaciones interpersonales que llevo están muy desbalanceads, 

Me encuentro a mi misma dando muchisimo de mi parte para no recibir ni cerca de lo mismo,

Me encuentro distanciada, solitaria y sin nadie a quien piense o quiera escuchar mis aflicciones, menos que me pueda ayudar.

Pasa que me gustaria que elles me preguntaran, que como estoy, y me pudieran escuchar por más de un minuto. Pero no cuando la salida ya terminó y preguntas por que te has dado cuenta de que toda la salida fue sobre ti.

Esta muy desequilibrado y duele, duele ser la que siempr tiene la iniciativa de proponer, de invitar, de hablar de los otros, de como se sienten, de irlos a ayudar, de ir y hablar con ellos, interactuar, de resolver x situacion o x dudas, de yo entenderlos pero de ellos no entenderme a mi ni interesarse por siquiera intentarlo.

O esperar cosas de mi que elles no dan a cambio, por que estan acostumbrados a que yo doy un monton.

No tener en consideracion como me siento, ni siquiera lo saben, pero como si siquiera escuchan.

No me siento importante, no me siento la prioridad de nadie, como si interactuar conmigo más que algún valor, es solo conveniente.

Ayer estaba fatal, hoy, mucho más calmada, entre el ansiolitico y el relajante muscular por fin pude descansar.

Yo no siempre tengo las respuestas, realmente no se que hacer al respecto más que ¿alejarme? como si eso fuese una solución, bueno, más bien, definir y ejercer mis límites más claros y actuar en consecuencia de lo que las personas dan o la prioridad que tenga yo en sus vidas, no puedo dar mi 100% si la otra persona no está ni ahí.

hhh

viernes, 24 de noviembre de 2023

F

 I am not getting the support I need, 

I am not putting myself first, 

I feel that I am lacking and falling behing my responsabilities, 

I feel like I cannot should not be dependant 

But, Again, I really need some support, 

I'm trying my best to not have a meltdown or worse

I don't want to be here or anywhere

 I feel bad

Really bad

I am very sleepy, 

I want to cry for everything,

You cannot tell me anything literally because I'd want to start crying,

I'm disguising myself very well, I can "mask" and make myself behave and seem like is all okay,

I am beyond overstimulated, overwhelmed, in need of more sleep, 

I am uncapable of sharing really how I am feeling, even when I desperately need to share and to be taken into consideration, not even given the chance is like I am physically unable to explain myself, 

I really, just want to cry, 

I am exceding on exigency on myself, 

I really need a long break, I really need no one talking to me and asking shit from me, 

I am very tired, I don't even wanna try and explain myself, 

I want to hide under a rock and not come out, 

I kinda want to dissapear, 

Be left alone and in peace, no one asking me shit no one needind shit from me no one asking oblivious questions that I don't want to answer or take caro of anything 

Please stop

I am not here

I don't want to be here or anywhere, 

Please stop


Edit: Is worse with the feeling that is not like I'm going trough something significant but I'm just so exhausted I can barely function and do the things I'm expected to...Even with "no aparent reason" if that makes sense, It feels worse not having a solid reason of why. Probs Is just a lot of stuff together...

martes, 10 de octubre de 2023

A "career" change

 I now understand why I hold so often to see what some old friends as I like to call them are up to, 

Like Danna, that is now famous and a influencer youtuber with all her opinions on movies, 

Or Anabella, singing her best on underground like events her punk goth music,

And many others,

They surely followed the path of making a living of their art and creations, 

As I wish I had, 

I am very certain that I need to make a change in my life if I ever want to feel satisfied with myself , to really try go down that path and look into laboral "happines", as, I do not dream or crave labor, but in this trying times is something completely unavoidable, 

As is my right now that many women forged this path for me to be able to even chose what job or work to make or do, 

I think that is 

I don't even know what I want to do or how would I make a profit of any, as

I don't really have a story to share (I can talk about many but get to reality none!)

Or make something exceptional, 

There are surely things that makes me happy, and I fantasize to make of my own, but that does not mean that I will enjoy it or if I'll be good at it, 

But whatever I decide, 

I'll try my best and 

I surely need to get out of this receptionist "carreer" I've taken onto my life

Has been almost 5 years with this various jobs with the same title and I hate it 

I want something ideally remote, I'd love to make a living around art, 

I don't know what to do or where to start.


I'd like some help but idk where to search...

jueves, 5 de octubre de 2023

 Now I am a bit of a problem for myself 

I feel bad today 

very bad today 

I am, very sleepy, I just want to cry and sleep the rest of the day 

 
I am having a very good attitude towards that one haha :) 

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:) 

miércoles, 27 de septiembre de 2023

I am still, not the problem, I think

 I am tired so very tired 

I am a bit paranoid, 

I am a bit deflated 

I am I am I am 

I don't wanna be 



 Creo que ya se que quiero comprarles a mis amigos de navidads, 

 David algo de star wars of course, I'm not sure what tho, 


I'll buy some clothing for Faby

Some shirt and march for Sebas

Something very goth for Sthef 

Something for Randy and Gabo maybe? 

Something 4 my mom dad and Adri, 

Something for Tsuri Arqui Yaso Ryuchi and Abra


I've a list of merch I'd like to buy David as well