I don't know how to talk. I'm practicing this language.

I feel like an egocentric stupid idiot.
I just wanna make him happy, but instead I'm just distracting him from his studies, and telling him some stupid shit... I'm not the best influence in his life, although I love him, I've being stupid and affect him in bad ways, he wasn't so lazy before we met, he managed his studies well and feelings better I think..
But I don't want to go away, even if I'm bad for him, I'm just enough selfish to exist near he.
He knows some of this, I think...
I want to help him and I just make things worst.

Also, I'm freaking depressed, but I didn't want to accept it. Now I've to take care of that, but I really don't know how without an external help, and I don't wanna ask for it either.
I was so happy, and recently I felt that way for a few moments and it was so nostalgic and beautiful, but then I got so sad. I miss feeling that way, and in this moment of my life I think that is impossible to me going back to feel that way again.

I hate school.

Now.... I'm out.
I think I'm not gonna drink again like that.(This is a lie, but why not keep saying it.)
 I feel like shit.
Bye.