sometimes

Sometimes I kinda hate me 

I hate how I behave 

I try my best to be a cheerful person

Knowing that if I don't bright my day

Probably no one will

Trying to do it for my loved ones too

I just get to talk about problems to my closest friends and not much more

And I neglect the rest of them 

I try my best to function

I try my best to have right my priorities but sometimes I just can't

I try my best to not decompose myself in front of people

I sometimes think that I better be in a hospital meanwhile I can figure out how not to be like this 

So negative

So resentful

So full of masks 

I wish I could behave again freely as I feel but

At the same time

I will worry them all and

I hate that

To worry them

To feel ashamed for not feeling good 

And the fear that they will get tired and leave

Even though I might exaggerate that

It feels so inminent 

Oh fuck I don't like myself

I thought I did 

But where did it go that version of me?????