i wish I could give up

If i kill myself today

. 

.

.

I'll make my parents very very sad 

And i Don't want that

.

.

I'll probably traumatize my friends

And i don't want that

.

.

.

Probably no one will find me until probably weekend when i Don't show up to work

So my corpse will be rotting for some time then

.

.

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I'll most probably inconvenient Juan's family as i Don't think anyone else will take care of my corpse

Even th won't want, and I'll be so humiliating as i kinda hate them 

.

.

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The solution for the two last one is that no one ever find my corpse but that's kinda difficult, doable

.

But

I still worry about the people who loves me that will be sad about it

I kinda wish it wasn't the case so o can leave without worry 

.

.

.

The alternative is always, keep on living miserable doing my best bare minimum to stay alive

As always