A "career" change

 I now understand why I hold so often to see what some old friends as I like to call them are up to, 

Like Danna, that is now famous and a influencer youtuber with all her opinions on movies, 

Or Anabella, singing her best on underground like events her punk goth music,

And many others,

They surely followed the path of making a living of their art and creations, 

As I wish I had, 

I am very certain that I need to make a change in my life if I ever want to feel satisfied with myself , to really try go down that path and look into laboral "happines", as, I do not dream or crave labor, but in this trying times is something completely unavoidable, 

As is my right now that many women forged this path for me to be able to even chose what job or work to make or do, 

I think that is 

I don't even know what I want to do or how would I make a profit of any, as

I don't really have a story to share (I can talk about many but get to reality none!)

Or make something exceptional, 

There are surely things that makes me happy, and I fantasize to make of my own, but that does not mean that I will enjoy it or if I'll be good at it, 

But whatever I decide, 

I'll try my best and 

I surely need to get out of this receptionist "carreer" I've taken onto my life

Has been almost 5 years with this various jobs with the same title and I hate it 

I want something ideally remote, I'd love to make a living around art, 

I don't know what to do or where to start.

I'd like some help but idk where to search...

 Now I am a bit of a problem for myself 

I feel bad today 

very bad today 

I am, very sleepy, I just want to cry and sleep the rest of the day 

 
I am having a very good attitude towards that one haha :) 

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:) 

I am still, not the problem, I think

 I am tired so very tired 

I am a bit paranoid, 

I am a bit deflated 

I am I am I am 

I don't wanna be 

 Creo que ya se que quiero comprarles a mis amigos de navidads, 

 David algo de star wars of course, I'm not sure what tho, 

I'll buy some clothing for Faby

Some shirt and march for Sebas

Something very goth for Sthef 

Something for Randy and Gabo maybe? 

Something 4 my mom dad and Adri, 

Something for Tsuri Arqui Yaso Ryuchi and Abra

I've a list of merch I'd like to buy David as well

Me he ecnotnrado recientemente con la insatisfacción conmigo misma, 

Debo trabajar y tratar de no maltratar a las personas que quiero y amo a mi alrededor por causas que son sólo mías, 

No puedo negar que me sienta un poco, no sola, pero me cuesta entender, procesar y llegar a la profundidad de las emociones de los lazos que trato de nutrir y no lo siento.

Idk if the thing is that I wanna be alone or that I'd just go on the pot of depression if so.

There's nothing wrong with you

I'm not feeling very well,

I'm not feeling social, nor affectionate, 

I've been feeling like I get mad or cry at least once a day for reasons that are completely avoidable, 

not feeling sexual, not desire, not even self 

not feeling like doing anything when I get home, 

nor when I am home.

I'm sick and tired of being ask everyday what are we gonna eat, 

I kinda wanna live in a rural area ? 

Maybe something outside a City to try it out...

Want a remotejob then 

Cuatro años pasan

Como si fuera poco

Todos los trajines y trabajos

Todo el sufrimiento y los cambios

Cuatro años pasan

Como si fuera poco 

Y veo en lo hipotético

Otro cauces de futuros imposibles

Y veo nunca en lo tangible

El haber sido lograr un sueño

A costa de otro

Cuatro años pasan

Como si fuera poco

Y los mios envejecen

Y el miedo eferbece 

De no poderlos volver a tocar

Apretujar y desbordar

Un amor