martes, 23 de abril de 2024

I feel like a doormat

 Vuelve a pasar 

relaciones desbalanceadas

solo me escuchan si a ellos les conviene, 

pero siempre es mas importante lo que ellos necesiten, 

no lo que yo necesite ni el momento en que haya reunido fuerzas de hablar de ello

realmente a futuro no se siquiera si lo voy a querer intentar

me dijeron en mitad de mi explicacion que mejor lo hable en terapia 

i felt awful, ni escucharme puede 

es mas importnate el sueño, se que es tarde, but is just one night 

yo si tengo que resolverpoder lidiar con sleep depavation for some reason or another 

I understand that is on not so convinient times but, 

Him sutting me down and straigh forward telling me that I better talk it with a therapist .... 

Felt very awful, insensitive and rude

I finally had the courage to talk about it, like, is something that has beenin my mind fucking me up a bit

the person I'd go with these is what I'm having problems with so I can't even go to that safe space 

I kind of took it for granted 

and I've been thingking a lot about the issue that's going on and... how it changes everything 

I did not do it on porpuse and I could not have known if he didn't told me

I realize that I was in the wrong in a lot of our dynamics and I though it was ok because I was in a page but he was in another completely different page...

on top of that I don't feel very reciprocated by my freidnships

they do whatever with my times, and I let it happen like I don't respect myself or something

I'm also feeling like is very difficult to deal with me

there's always something, 

If is not that I've a shitty job that's making me mad and crazy, 

is that I'm depressed and want to kill myself, 

or that I get kinda mad for whatever reason

Or that I stress a lot with legal stuff I need to do or with th state of the house and the cleaning and all that

or that i don't even want to go to sleep to the same bed as my partner today because how he shut me down, not being the first time he does that

Is like I'm not important, like I don't matter, that he would onlly listed when he feels like it when he can and only if is convinient for him

not when I need it, not when I'm ready, always delaying me for whatever reason...

I'm feeling sad about all of this

I am really feeling sad for all of these




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