I've been crying non stop for the last two days

yesterday at work I had to have like 8 breaks to the bathroom to cry }

I can't do nothing without burst into tears

my life is so heavy on my shoulders that is affecting the ones I love, 

And I try not to worry them or treating them in a bad way but I'm obviously failing 

I wonder a lot if I'd better dead but there's always someone telling me not to, as if my life was worth something 

I've been trying for years for this sense of depression and intrusive thoughts to leave me alone,

I've failed in that too 

speccially the anxiety, lately feels like my heart is gonna explode at any given moment, 

I cannot keep on this high level of anxiety, is killing me 

I don't like my life

I don't like being myself 

I hate me and how I hurt and worry everyone around me 

why the fuck could i not be normal 

Wondering if i really should keep anyone by my side if all i do is hurt